I never knew I had anxiety. It came to a point in my life where I just had to stop and think. Racing through life with no breaks, rushing, but it was the norm to me. I wouldn’t go a day without worrying and over-thinking situations and scenarios in my head. I know everyone deals with anxiety, at different levels. Some people are lucky and have a low level, but some like me are not. It’s hard to explain what anxiety feels like. Therefore it can be hard for others to understand what you are going through.
I sat down with my husband last night and tried to explain how I was feeling but I couldn’t and he wanted to understand but couldn’t. This is the most irritating part of having anxiety. The most part of it is I want to please everyone. I hate letting people down. I want people to be proud of me but sometimes I take on too much – I’m learning to just say NO. Time to put aside some time for myself.
Recently my anxiety has caused me to panic in situations I wouldn’t before, my work environment, crowded spaces, my church classes. I have always been reserved, but never like this. Breakdowns are a big part of my life now. I would come home from work and just get upset over nothing, over-think things, not having energy to do things I would usually love to do. At work I sometimes have to stop and breathe for a second to calm myself when I know I have a lot to do in so little time. The only thing is sometimes I can’t control it.
I have a lot of support from family and I am so incredibly grateful for that. Thinking back over the past year and all the things that have happened and the things I have gone through, I can understand why I am feeling this way. It will just take time and patience to work through my struggles and to overcome my fears.
“Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.”
Henry Ward Beecher